Trust kept knocking…

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I set out to write about trust and ended up with a post on hope. That was a week ago.

These thoughts crossed my mind as I attempted to begin. Do you need trust to hope? Can hope be sustained without trust? And this line of enquiry got me to the hope post.

Hope is spiritual. It is an innate sense which has propelled human behaviour and societal changes. It is the “there must be something better”, the “we can improve on this” and ultimately “there is a tomorrow” to which humankind anticipates.

But it seems trust is not about to leave until I deal with it. So here it is.

 

Trust is the glue of life. … It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.   ~ Stephen Covey

Trust comes from the human experience of being with each other. Trust is relational. We are not born with an innate sense of trust. Trust is cultivated over a series of words and actions between people – parents and children, sibling to sibling, romantic partners, friends and colleagues… etc.

Because it is relational, trust is perhaps harder to access and maintain. We are working with someone else’ expression of trust, someone who carries with him or her a different worldview or lifestyle from ours. To understand this of each other and to create a trust relationship is tough indeed.

We often look to another’s words and actions as guidance to our sense of trust. The lawyer in me puts it this way. What has he done to prove I can trust him? What did she say which proved she cannot be trusted? And how much of this “feeling” can I trust of myself?

The reality is we will never know for certain. What holds a relationship of trust is the set of “norms and rules” that you and I have created around this relationship. It is the authenticity of us with each other that builds trust. Consider your relationships – the sibling you would trust to have your back no matter what but not when it comes to choosing your wedding dress; the friend whom you will call upon in times of material need but not for emotional support. It is circumstantial. An inherent element of reliability is required for any relationship of trust.

Let’s not however jump to judgment. To cultivate trust requires time. It requires patience, and the desire and the curiosity to explore what makes another tick. And if their tick matches our tock, then we are heading in the same direction.

 

“What we know matters but who we are matters more.”   ~ Brené Brown, Daring Greatly

It is worthwhile asking – how often do we examine our own words and behaviours, to assess if we are worthy of another’s trust? If authenticity in relating is required, how authentic, genuine, real have we been?

I have written about my friendships and the notion that every friend knows something about me, but not every friend knows everything about me. A thought – if every friend gets together, will they collectively know all there is to know of me? 🙂  I digress.

Being authentic does not mean wearing our heart on our sleeve or baring our soul to all asunder at all times. We get to choose when, how much and how soon. It means when we choose to do, we do so with truth and integrity. We are not faking it for reciprocity or to achieve an end.

To be trustworthy is to be real. To be open, vulnerable on our road to connect with another. Sometimes, it may backfire. Disappointment and betrayal are possible. Yet at least one of us has to be bold, to dare to risk the pain… one of us has to have the strength of character to trust one more time…again and again.

When our real-ness through our values in action meets another in their real-ness, we see the beginning of a trust relationship.

 

“Don’t wait for them to prove themselves to you. Trust them.”   ~ Karl Eikenberry

~ FlorenceT

 

© 2017 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

 

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I believe in you

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Vulnerability and strength, two words not commonly associated with each other until recent years. Vulnerability tends to be perceived as weakness rather than strength.  And how often have I had to remind myself in the candid moments, in the times when being true to myself seemed a betrayal, when the tears flowed and the heart broke, when my vulnerability was exposed… that it was strength that brought me here, and it would carry me through… as it always will.

Those moments when friends around me were inspired, so they said, by my courage and incisiveness, to which I wanted to reply, “can you see how vulnerable I feel?” At last, only to realise perhaps that was what they saw… the strength was the vulnerability being carried ever so lightly.

Trust and patience, perhaps a less uncommon pairing.  Words easily spouted but how do we trust? When the distractions, the temptations, the greener grass is always on the other side, beckoning and making promises… Can we be patient? Can we be at peace with what arrives or returns? To know that I am worthy and enough, is a first step. Self-assured that I am complete, and will be so even if the trust is misguided, the patience runs out.

And ultimately, love.  To be vulnerable enough to let another in and to reach out to another, to trust that we will be held with care, kindness and gentle strength in return. To be trustworthy and patient in the face of challenges that threaten the peace…

So, the lyrics to the recently released Michael Buble song ‘I believe in you‘ and the music video. Enjoy!

Time goes by and I’ve been holding everything inside
But now I’ve got nothin’ left to hide
When I’m with you, oh, you
But I can see, how strong a man I’m going to have to be
To do for you it comes so naturally
So will you move

And all I want
Is a chance to prove Show all I can do

I believe in starting over
I can see that your heart is true
I believe in good things coming back to you
You’re the light that lifts me higher
So bright you got me through
I believe in you

And I don’t mind
If you want to hold on to me tight
You don’t have to sleep alone tonight If you don’t want to

And all I want
Is to know you’re near
You’re all I need, yeah

Time goes by and I’ve been holding everything inside
But now I’ve got nothin’ left to hide
When I’m with you, oh, you
But I can see, how strong a man I’m going to have to be
To do for you it comes so naturally
So will you move

And all I want
Is a chance to prove Show all I can do

I believe in starting over
I can see that your heart is true
I believe in good things coming back to you
You’re the light that lifts me higher
So bright you got me through
I believe in you

And I don’t mind
If you want to hold on to me tight
You don’t have to sleep alone tonight If you don’t want to

And all I want
Is to know you’re near
You’re all I need, yeah

I believe in starting over
I can see that your heart is true
I believe in good things coming back to you
You’re the light that lifts me higher
So bright you got me through
I believe in you
I believe in you
You got me through
I believe in you

 

~ FlorenceT

© 2016 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

#Haiku Challenge 120 @RonovanWrites

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RonovanWrites Haiku Challenge 120 with prompt words – Heart, Petals

petals

Loves me, loves me not

Heart beats constant, time passing

Wind-swept petals drift.

~ FlorenceT

 

 

© 2016 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

 

The box of a past

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I am humbled, again.

There are many joys in my work as a psychotherapist yet few would beat this.

It is a privilege each time a client enters the therapy room and engages with me in the therapy process. I am entrusted with one’s deepest feelings, darkest moments, fearful thoughts and liberating actions; in one’s most honest voice. It takes boldness to step into the therapy process and such courage to persist. I have encountered my light and my shadow through therapy, and I know while I have learnt much about myself and my relationships, the journey of self-discovery is confronting and at times perilous.

Yet today, a young woman gave me a gift so precious that I had to keep my tears in check. A young woman who has gone through fire gathered her strength to confront her past, contained within a box she had long avoided. She had offered to bring this box into our space and for the first time after many years, share its contents with me.

Once again, I am grateful for this calling, for the opportunity to create a holding space, for the trust brought into our therapeutic relationship.

All of us need a safe place we can go to confront our demons, and I am honored that I am that space for her.

And in that moment as she makes her suggestion, I know I am where I belong.

~ FlorenceT

 

© 2016 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

 

Stay wonderful, every one of you

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Butterfly-Wallpaper

I have been through a couple of stressful weeks. And as they wind down and with this opportunity to sit back and reflect, I realise there are many things for which I am grateful. Two are specific to this tiny part of blogosphere I occupy.

Firstly, I am humbled by the trust and faith you have in me by contributing, either financially or through promoting, the campaign set up for Ronovan. We live in a world where online scams do exist. It is easy and for some, a default setting, to be cynical and doubting. This is not a judgment, in fact negative thoughts have crossed my mind when I get approached for fundraising or petitions. Yet you have contributed and shared my posts about the campaign everywhere, in effect personally endorsing what I was doing. Your belief in the campaign warms my heart. Yes, I do know Ronovan has a huge amount of goodwill. 🙂 It is fantastic to see the support of friends. Thank you once again. The campaign has ended and I hope Ronovan receives the funds as soon as possible, though Indiegogo Life did say 15 business days!

The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
Henry Stimson

Secondly, though I was not there, the articles about the Bloggers Bash indicate to me the genuine-ness of the bloggers in this community. It’s not exactly a revelation though the articles certainly bring a sense of connection and belonging even for one like me, so very far away… but yet so near ;-). As Ali (of aliisaacstoryteller.com) said, “Bloggers are shy”, “What you see is what you get” and “Bloggers have something to say”. Honestly, this feels like home – bloggers and writers give pieces of themselves in their writing. So in some ways, we know each other, or at least a part of each other’s soul. 🙂

Crafts make us feel rooted, give us a sense of belonging and connect us with our history. Our ancestors used to create these crafts out of necessity, and now we do them for fun, to make money and to express ourselves.
Phyllis George

Stay wonderful. Trust the journey!

– FlorenceT

© 2015 Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

Those moments…

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Triptychon__anguish_by_Anna_Mariaa

Those moments
When you feel you can’t go on
When hopes have disappeared
When dreams have all but shattered
When it seems there is no one here,

Those moments
When the skies seem eternally grey
When tears won’t stop flowing
When love is distant fleeting
When all you want is escape,

Those moments
When your desires remain elusive
When pain cannot be dismissed
When hurt can no longer be hid
When all you’ve worked for appears futile,

In those moments
Keep Faith
Forgive
Trust
Love.

– FlorenceT

 

Image courtesy of http://anna-mariaa.deviantart.com/art/Triptychon-anguish-66965956

© 2014 Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

Marriage, solitude and distance

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A good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust.

 

Marriage Rilke

 

I think this is especially true for the creative souls, to have the space, the solitude, the freedom to develop and grow their craft.

In solitude and peace,
– FlorenceT

Trust and let go

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trust

‘Trust in the universe’ is a much used phrase.  Is trusting in something so intangible or unverifiable ‘trust’ or is it ‘faith’? Well, sometimes all we can do is believe – believe that our children will be alright, believe that she loves you in spite of the odds, believe that what happened has a reason, a purpose.

Trust is not living in the land of reciprocity, necessitating an expectation of being given back.  It is believing that what we have given is enough, that we have enough to give; and that no matter the outcome, we are going to live now.

Trust is believing that once we have done all we can, the outcome will take care of itself – that it is what it is, beyond our control. So let go – let go our attachment to a future we expect, we desire, but has minimal control over.

Make the most of what we have now, in this moment, for every moment of our lives.  Let the future announce its plans!

Breathe, trust, let go and live!

Namaste!
– FlorenceT