I exist…

Standard

One must not only exist, one must be alive; live life to the fullest…

And so they say.

The narrative of striving and being more is around us, yet interpreted at times as an accumulation of status, power and material wealth.

Am I existing if I have the love of friends and family? Am I existing if I don’t have a dream? Am I existing if I am purposeful in my doing? Am I existing if I find meaning in my day-to-day life? Am I alive if I exist in the eyes of another? Am I alive if I find succor in nature? Am I alive in my aloneness?

What does existing really mean? What is at the intersect of existing and contentment?

 

I exist as I am, that is enough,
If no other in the world be aware I sit content,
And if each and all be aware I sit content.

One world is aware and by far the largest to me, and that is
myself,
And whether I come to my own to-day or in ten thousand or
ten million years,
I can cheerfully take it now, or with equal cheerfulness I can
wait.

~ Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

 

~ FlorenceT

 

© 2017 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

Advertisements

Rejection is a blessing…

Standard

Rejection…in whatever form, in whichever sphere, is never pleasant. For some, it reinforces the sense of unworthiness and the gap of disconnection widens. For what is rejection, except to say “you are not one of us”, thus conflicting with our human need to belong. Or is it?

A felt sense, rejection is a perceived condition. What would happen if we choose not to engage with it? That is to say, we choose not to believe we are unworthy to be liked, loved, respected etc. We choose to trust when someone says ‘no’ to us, it is because they can’t. How about if we respect the other well enough to honor their views or decisions. What if we choose not to mind the lost opportunity or potential, we never had it anyway so why are we so attached to it?

Sometimes it is true that someone does not see us as worthy of their time; and we get snubbed. Heck, so what? It may indeed be a blessing to be denied entry to that orbit. Things happen. We choose how we interpret it and what it means. Just as a chance reunion with an old friend means something, being refused has its meanings… of parting, of opportunity…; and it remains a path in our journey of life. Be patient. Let life unfold. Don’t force it.

Our ‘job’ in this one life is to keep doing what we are doing with love, grounded in our meaningful purpose, mindful that everyone has their own way of being, accepting it sufficiently to let go of our preconceived notions of “what should be or else…”.

Therein lay peace in being and gratitude for what comes.

 

Namaste!

~ FlorenceT

 

© 2017 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

Renewal and inspired, by whom?

Standard

I crept into the back of the Hall as the speaker began. I had made sure I would be a little late so everyone was seated and facing the stage at the front. I didn’t want her to see me, not quite sure what that reception was to be – pleasure, anger, embarrassment…

This was not my usual type of occasion, as if I had a type. A little ill at ease possibly from the nature of the proceedings and the fact she was unaware of my presence (and wanted to keep it so), I scanned the audience hoping to catch a glimpse of her. No such luck. It was not easy to spot her amidst the hundreds in attendance.

After a couple of minutes, I noticed myself settling into my seat; a certain calmness overtook me. There was hardly any talking, instead music flowed through the hall. There was a sense of solemnity and also relief of what was to come. The restlessness I expected was absent. For what seemed a long time, I allowed myself to be transported to times of old, when this gathering was familiar and comforting. To be drawn to the sounds and sights, to nostalgia. What had happened in the intervening years? Do I no longer trust or believe? Was it easier not to? Dare I again?

Then I saw her rise and walked to the stage. Instinctively I slunk lower into my seat. The last thing I wanted was to distract her should she see me then, especially when she would not have time to digest the fact of my presence. Looking composed contrary to what I knew she must be feeling, she began. A silence filled the room as every person seemed to focus on her, mesmerised by the timbre in her voice and the magical way she appeared to have commanded our attention. I saw people craning their neck to catch a glimpse of the owner of the soulful voice.

She was the closing vocal performance at the Easter Chapel Service. At a tender age, she had stepped up and held her ground. Fearless and unabashed.

And I was brought back to times when I had been in her shoes, and am inspired.

Life is ever changing, always full of interesting challenges. I see them and, like her, I will be fearless and unabashed in claiming my ground.

 

what is belief
when the world does not
must we see
must we touch
is there proof
do we feel
the spirit moving
the senses alight
of love, peace and grace
is that proof
of man’s science
or of faith
in the divine.

 

For those who celebrate Easter, I wish you a time of rebirth and renewal. Happy Easter!

~ FlorenceT

 

© 2017 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

There is magic

Standard

Looking out
into the grey mountain skies
remembering where I’ve been
wondering where the road will lead;
There is magic
in the shimmering rain that falls
in the light peering through
the future remains.

~ FlorenceT

 

I am not my mistakes,
But God knows, I’ve made a few. 
I started to question the angels,
And the answer they gave was you. 

I cannot promise there won’t be sadness,
I wish I could take it from you. 
But you’ll find the courage to face the madness,
And sing it because it’s true. 

I love my life
I am powerful, I am beautiful, I am free
I love my life, 
I am wonderful, I am magical, I am me,
I love my life.

© 2017 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

My little star – Hugh’s Charity Christmas Tree Topper Challenge.

Standard

Things will be different this Christmas, and my intention is to not judge how it unfolds nor what it will be.

Yet much will be the same, like this star on our tree.

Tree

We took turns placing the star on our Christmas tree each year.  My little star, who is no longer little, is finally tall enough to do this without assistance. And I am officially the shortest in our family, for that I have to ‘thank’ my genes! 🙂

This Christmas is a time to reflect on the year past and to be grateful for the ease of transitions, for the lessons in strength and courage, for the acceptance of pain and hurt, for the discovery of gifts, for the wonder of emerging talents, for persisting wellbeing. Most importantly, gratitude for grace in being.

What will remain as they have always been, unchanging this Christmas, is the spirit of family, of togetherness and the bonds of love, sometimes unspoken but always felt.

This post is an entry to Hugh’s charity Christmas tree topper photo challenge on Hugh’s Views and News. This year Hugh has elected to give to the Dog’s Trust – a worthy cause indeed. So if you wish to participate and cheer Hugh on, click on the link above for information.

– FlorenceT

 

© 2015 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

Summer reflection

Standard

This is summer…

The pool

Summer in Australia officially began on 1 December. With all that has happened and ‘life’ continuing to be busy, my conscious mind did not acknowledge the changing seasons. To be honest spring came and went in a flurry of activity and minimal appreciation. I speak of this with a little regret. That is my perfectionistic side screaming I did not do ‘perfect’ though I did plenty and (I think) kept a family psychologically and emotionally intact as change happens. And yes, I am fortunate to have people keeping me sane too!

Sitting by the side of this pool was not what I had intended when I woke this morning. The plan was a touch serious 🙂 – to catch up on some work. How plans go awry… but it didn’t really. It was as it should be. I notice this now. Thanks to two young ladies, I was ‘forced’ to bring them here… And the universe conspires to render the mobile signal non-existent.

two ladies

So time to stop and “smell the roses” then. This is a local pool built in a valley surrounded by lush green trees, with picnic areas and playground close by. The sun is nearly setting yet the warmth of the day lingers. I can feel the cool-ish air blowing in… another 30 minutes before the young ladies emerge with their shivering forms asking for hot pies and/or hot chocolate. 🙂

Summer

Life is not meant to be hard. Life is not meant to be a task. That is to say, life isn’t worth less or valued less because it was not ‘done’. Living has many facets, and at any one time, we sit with the tension of one and the other. That is fine. To hold one’s purpose unwavering, to work with it in mind, and at the same time to appreciate moments such as this. What is the benefit of working towards a goal, with such earnest that you lose the entertainment of the process, the thrill of the achievement, or the beauty of what surrounds you as you are ‘working’?

I made a promise to myself to do things different. Perhaps today is the day to re-commit to this – to not just ‘do’ but also ‘be’. Yes, there will still be deadlines to meet, but they will be approached with a sense of equanimity and a certain grace.

As John Lockwood Huei says, life is a reflection of intention. My intention is firm, instead of my life being a response or worse, a reaction, let my life reflect this.

To live life with Love… I say, yes!

agave

– FlorenceT

 

© 2015 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

All is well

Standard

It has been an incredibly demanding 3 weeks – physically, mentally and psychologically; and it culminated in my speaking at a conference out of town. Well, that was yesterday. And now, sitting here alone in the hotel room I have the opportunity to let it all settle in, within me.

All is well.

These 3 words had kept me centred, grounded in the knowledge that I am enough, I have done enough and the rest will fall as it does. Everything is alright despite the hiccups along the way. Incidentally it is ‘the hiccups’ that makes life interesting. And sometimes, hiccups are not hiccups at all but mere perspective and perception.

As the financial institution mislaid the title to my former home, as the piano removalist kept changing their arrival times, as the last minute packing got out of hand, as I observed the builder’s less than satisfactory work in my new home, as the rain fell on the day of my relocation, as the 3 men hired to do the job decided to call it quits prior to completing their jobs, … as I see my time dwindling and feel my energy waned in the face of all these, there is nevertheless a calm that accompanied me, which compels me to act as I must yet remained unattached to the ‘desired’ outcomes. I knew, ‘whatever happens, happens’. It is not a testament of a lack of ability nor effort.

We do what we need, what we must to meet life’s exigencies – that is pragmatism. Yet, we must also be what our soul desires, to ‘allow’ life to happen. There is no formula, no roadmap. We feel our way through holding onto the belief, the knowledge that life will unfold as it must. There are things beyond our control, and for that, I breathe a sigh of relief. How freeing it is to relinquish the need to control everything.

Thus it is that within a few days of relocating, I got on a plane to attend a conference; putting on the final touches to the paper during the flight amidst drifting off to sleep as the fatigue of the past weeks hit me. My body said, ‘enough already, it is time for rest’. In these weeks, I had carried a few heavy things. To make space, I let go of some, as a temporary measure. Blogging was one of them.

We make choices in life, hopefully those which serve us best. Though will we ever know if a choice is the best for us..? We make decisions based on the resources we have and with the capacity we are able to muster at the time. To seek answers to ‘if-onlys’ and ‘what-ifs’ drain energy from our living in the present. That is not to say, I didn’t fret because I did. It’s not that I did not doubt, because I did. I am human after all.

So here I am, the day after my presentation, unwell but only just enough to stop me from gallivanting around this city as I had wanted to. So yes I hear and I will listen. Time to rest. Time to reflect on the change of the past few months, the demands and achievements of the past few weeks, the journey that has brought me here to the now. Time to re-orientate, to be open and receptive to a life unfolding…

All is well!

Here is a new poem from one of my favourite writer and poet, Oriah, which speaks volumes.

It’s not about doing anything
Not about earning or accomplishing
Not about trying harder or moving faster
It’s simply a whole-hearted willingness
 
To walk to the end of the dock
And let the rising sun
Fill me and ignite
The old forgotten hunger
 
And every time
Every. Single. Time.
When I let the longing guide me
When I turn my face just a little
 
The Beloved is there.
 
~ Oriah

– FlorenceT

© 2015 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

The process of surrender, or not…

Standard

I have been feeling a little unbalanced (as in off-centre, not crazy 🙂 ) the last few days. The feeling that all is right and fine… but not.  I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Then an email turned up which led to a youtube audio clip… and voila!

I have been hung up about a thing I did at work, with which despite positive feedback, it would seem I was not pleased. I presented a paper at a small conference and the session went extremely well with lots of engagement and Q&A.  Which of course led to time running out while I was only two-thirds of the way through. I was disappointed, but more than that, it bugged me, big time. Of course, being who I am, I have been ‘processing’ this ‘bugged’ feeling and as I said, no divine revelation until now.

By now, I know it wasn’t the fact that I didn’t get to finish the paper – the full presentation is being published so no big issue.  It wasn’t that l came out looking ‘bad’ – I had lots of positive feedback and engagement. Neither was it my perfectionistic streak (only a small one 🙂 ) of getting things 100% throwing a tantrum.

What it was is encapsulated in this statement ‘I didn’t get to the punchline’. And the punchline is important to me, personally. It is a message I am compelled to share, my purpose if you like. And for one who is generally quite direct in her communication, I ran out of time? What happened?

There is no accident in life. Only lessons. And this lesson is mine for the week.

BallerinaI took my eyes off the purpose, my purpose, of the presentation – to share a message of connection. Instead I became attached to outcome and judgment.  I was drawn to an intellectual and mechanical exercise of preparing a paper, rather than communicating and sharing a worthy message. It, the paper, became a slave to my ‘more is not enough’ judgment. Academically fine and longer that it ought to be given the time I had. I was prejudging the possible response of the audience and ignored the voice whispering ‘Just be your self. It is enough‘.

I have been on a journey of living a surrendered life. “It is what is it” is a mantra, a meditation to my being. It does not negate doing the best I can, just that I am not hung up about the outcome.  It is living to a (dare I say it…) divine purpose.  I guess I didn’t spend years on a journey of self-awareness without having at least an inkling of what mine is :-). Yet it would seem on this occasion, surrendered I was not.

So here I am – regaining balance, being centered and not beating myself up about it.

Once again, surrendering to the moment of knowing – there is no mistake in life if we learn from it.

Honouring your purpose,
– FlorenceT

© 2015 Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

Let it go

Video

When I heard this poignant song, these thoughts assaulted me.  The idea of difference, and uniqueness… At what point do we accept irreconcilable nature? At what point do we decide, enough is enough? At what point do we own ourselves, both light and shadow? At what point do we stand our ground and reclaim ourselves? When do we set free? When will we trust? When will we honour the spirit and human? Do we take action in love or fear?

Do we love enough to let go?

 

All this delusion in our heads
Is gonna bring us to our knees

So come on let it go
Just let it be

– FlorenceT

© 2015 Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.