With a smile in my heart…

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What does it feel to be abandoned?
Alright, not so dramatic.
I am merely learning to let go
And with a smile in my heart;
Never the “she’s my baby” thing
Never the “but she needs her mama” either
Never the “the world’s a dangerous place” fear,
Except to trust
– That I have done my job sufficiently well
So her beautiful mind has taken notice
Of necessary caution and vigilance
To make up for her not-so-vast experience,
– That I have given enough warnings
And posed relevant questions
Not so much as to scare her into timidity
Instead to give her the courage that comes with knowledge
And the wherewithal to handle emergencies;
As she hangs with her friends in an unfamiliar city
I am close enough, but not too close
For the world can be dangerous, but
It is foremost an exciting and welcoming place
In which she must fully establish herself one day;
And thus she takes small steps towards a future
From which I cannot protect her
Nor is there a desire to
For I will have done my best to equip her
To take the risks she must to thrive
To live nobly and audaciously
To love valiantly
To laugh boldly, in the face of all that will come.
~ FlorenceT

© 2017 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

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It is not what it seems… maybe

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I wrote an email, somewhat scathing in tone, a few days ago. Entirely justified at the time, I thought. I felt I was being unduly taken advantage of, that the prospective recipient of the email was intentionally obstructive and perhaps malicious, at best unthinking and uncaring. Well, I had to defend myself, don’t I? I am entitled, don’t I? And anyone who knew the circumstances would see this and I would be justified in my action.

But no one saw this email. I did not send it.

My tapping away at the keyboard was cathartic, but catharsis could only go so far in making the situation “right”.

Thankfully, one of my habits is to never send an email drafted during an emotional flux.

Taking a large step back from the finished (but then unsent) email, these were what I realised:

  • Obviously, I was emotional. Of its own, perfectly acceptable and normal. But what happened when the emotions took over …
  • I turned inward and my mind took over. My thoughts revealed me at a low ebb – “I was being unduly taken advantage of”? Really? Have I in that one thought buy into a belief that I was a victim? That I had no say in this? Have I in that one thought about to give way my power?
  • Then, the construction of the “baddie” who was “intentionally obstructive”, “malicious”, “unthinking and uncaring”? This is judgment with a capital ‘J’. I’ll grant that my thoughts, being the rational person that I am, could be correct. Or they might not. But in the moments when I was drafting that email, my mind was closed to any other possibility. It was closed such that I (unconsciously) chose not to see an alternate perspective.
  • And really, what did it matter, if she was or was not? I was there to solve a “problem” not to make judgments about another’s motivations. Why would my actions be guided by anything other than respect for another human being, integrity and compassion?
  • Moving forward in a positive manner requires me to maintain a constructive relationship, moving forward requires me to let go of any and all of the history that could bind me, moving forward requires me to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not cringe or feel compelled to be defensive.
  • And that little voice in my head (?) or my heart said, “you are better than this.”

We have been there, this “feeling small” and “feeling helpless” place.

We have imagined the architects of our misery, rubbing their hands in glee with a malicious grin and gloating.

Well, in those moments we have also handed over responsibility for our self to another and blaming them for not looking after or caring or loving us.

So, this story ended with a phone call, expressing my concerns and being open to a response. The response – the words at least – was as I had expected but there was something else. The response was not “intentionally obstructive”, not “malicious”, not “uncaring”, perhaps a little “unthinking”. Okay, I can live with this, for now. And I (or my ego) would like to say that I had modeled an attitude and a behaviour which hopefully encourage reciprocity. Only time will tell.

What matters most to me is that, it felt right, it felt good, as the email if sent would not.

The lessons, which I keep close to me?

  • Be open to different perspectives and possibilities. There is a world beyond our experiences.
  • Proceed with the empowered self. Our words and actions will reflect this.
  • Let go. We can’t control the future.

 

Namaste.

~ FlorenceT

© 2017 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

#Haiku Challenge 113 @RonovanWrites

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RonovanWrites Haiku Challenge 11with prompt words – Beach, Time

phillip-island

Heat reflecting off

quartz edged and facet, mirage

Time drifts as it will.

~ FlorenceT

 

Image of Phillip Island, Australia, courtesy of A Matter of Taste.

© 2016 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

 

Keep your eyes open

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A little behind… call it a throwback if you wish. 🙂 I’ll confess though that I recently discovered this song, ‘Keep your eyes open’ released in early 2012.

What caught my attention is this part of the lyric:

Cause if you never leave home, never let go
You’ll never make it to the great unknown till you
Keep your eyes open, my love
So show me your fire, show me your heart
You know I’ll never let you fall apart if you
Keep your eyes open, my love

And as someone who has journeyed and still journeying, this certainly rings a bell. Don’t we all long for the comfort of familiarity, and the security of certainty? Yet our heart and soul beckon us to realise our passions, our dreams, our loves.

Sometimes we can cast aside this yearning as unrealistic and just a whim. But eventually, we all have to let go, leave the home of sameness, and discover if we have the courage borne of love.

And the reality is, we all have the courage and love needed within us to do what is for us. For some of us, we will also have the unwavering support of those who love us; always willing to catch us should we fall. And in this promise, we soar higher. For those who must take this journey solo, there round the bend is the reason for your being.

So trust and let go. And when we find this courage and love, then we will return to a changed home, a home that welcomes all of who we are. 

Enjoy the video!

 

Namaste!

~ FlorenceT

 

© 2016 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

 

Letting Go Takes Love

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To all who care and love:

 

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off,
it’s the realization I can’t control another.

To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it’s to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To let go is not to be protective,
it’s to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
and
To let go and to let God, is to find peace!

Remember: The time to love is short.

~ author unknown

– FlorenceT

© 2015 Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

Get through or Let go?

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Last week I wrote a post about ‘going through it’ – that life throws lessons at us, lessons we can’t avoid or ignore. In order to grow as a person, we do need to see the lessons that present themselves (yes, there will be many, great and small) and learn.

I ought to clarify.

‘It’ can be whatever difficult situation you find yourself. We have a choice each time to either ‘let go’ or ‘go through it’. Both are learning opportunities.

balanceA little about ‘letting go’ by which I mean, to have non-attachment, to stop holding on to ‘things’… to what we think will make our life better or the conditioned belief we have thus far not questioned or the behaviour that no longer serves our life. In this space, letting go is making peace with it. As we come to grip with the ‘things’ within the situation, for example, our need for control, their need to imbibe, our need for approval, their need for material indulgence. When we let go of the things, more likely than not ‘it’ ceases to be.

If ‘it’, the situation, still bothers you, if it still cages you, makes you close-up, makes you bitter and resentful…then you are not letting go. No matter how much you tell yourself that it is. And if we can’t let go, then the ‘it is not affecting me’ or the ‘I am fine with it’ that we tell ourselves, is but us doing avoidance. The test whether you are letting go is this – letting go comes with a sense of peace.

So when letting go is untenable, not viable, unavailable or impossible then time to face the situation. As I said, going through a difficult situation involves some ‘doing’ and a whole lot of ‘being’. Where there is pain or sorrow or any difficult emotion, at some point we need to sit with it, maybe even endure it for a time. However you choose to ‘go through it’, you do.

Both ‘going through it’ and ‘letting go’ have a quality of hardness – where we fight for our survival, we overcome the obstacles in our way… and also of softness – where we embrace our vulnerability, sit with our sorrow, bear witness to our life. And in those moments, there is strength, there is courage.

 

courage

Wishing you courage and love,
– FlorenceT

 

© 2015 Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.

 

 

Trust and let go

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‘Trust in the universe’ is a much used phrase.  Is trusting in something so intangible or unverifiable ‘trust’ or is it ‘faith’? Well, sometimes all we can do is believe – believe that our children will be alright, believe that she loves you in spite of the odds, believe that what happened has a reason, a purpose.

Trust is not living in the land of reciprocity, necessitating an expectation of being given back.  It is believing that what we have given is enough, that we have enough to give; and that no matter the outcome, we are going to live now.

Trust is believing that once we have done all we can, the outcome will take care of itself – that it is what it is, beyond our control. So let go – let go our attachment to a future we expect, we desire, but has minimal control over.

Make the most of what we have now, in this moment, for every moment of our lives.  Let the future announce its plans!

Breathe, trust, let go and live!

Namaste!
– FlorenceT

Choose to let go

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“We need to find the courage to say ‘NO’ to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.” Dr. Barbara De Angelis

It is never easy to give up the things that we’ve ‘always’ done or ‘always’ had. They have become habits that we are reluctant to forgo or perhaps unable to. And perhaps because they are familiar, they give us a sense of belonging, of comfort, of security, of certainty.

And it is never easy to say ‘no’ to people in our lives who have been there for so long but we have now outgrown – a little like the permanent fixtures in our home which by their existence, determines how we perform a related task in our home and by their familiarity, we no longer question their efficacy. Yes, ours and their respective interests have changed, we are travelling on different paths in life yet we still see them, sometimes out of loyalty and obligation. At best, we are comforted that we have remained faithful. These things or people may also be causing us emotional turmoil, or causing rifts in our other relationships, or worse.

Take courage, say ‘No’. It is time to shed a past which no longer honours who we are, time to be open to who we are becoming. I do not mean for you to dismiss these things or people, for they will remain a part of our life as having helped shape who we are. But remember, they nevertheless belong to the past.

To let go of these things of the past will likely hurt, for we mourn their loss irrespective of their value in our lives. And with people, our decision to re-discover and honour who we are may very well also hurt them. Yet as mature human beings desiring to live with authenticity, we have to make choices and to face these difficult decisions. Incidentally, by letting go of them, you might in fact be giving them space to grow as well.

I choose not to be bound by the past.  Will you?