A week into the new year, and I encounter the first “challenge” to my intention.
In the first post for 2022, I mentioned my word of the year is Delight and my intention to delight in my world.
Then I contracted COVID-19.
How do I find delight in this situation? Am I weird to even think I can find delight in this?
I am not suggesting we ignore the difficulties associated with the disease. I felt awful for the first few days and still not a hundred percent. I am taking care of myself – doing what’s recommended medically and resting. I am fearful loved ones at home will be infected. I am fearful they or I will be part of the “long-COVID” statistic.
Those first few days, I was hit with brain fog, too much to even think or plan. All I could do was do nothing, and just be present and pay attention. It is rare that I am in such a vulnerable state. In the process, I could only attend to how I felt and the sensations I was experiencing. What delight when new unbeckoned insights popped into my mind on solitude and connection, presence and absence, loss and gratitude…
I have long since learned being vulnerable is not a weakness. I can’t know everything or have answers for them, and importantly there are things not within my control. So I am giving space for the psychological and physical discomfort, the uncertainty, and the fear – not dwelling but acknowledging their presence.
In the midst of this, physically isolated in my bedroom, I speak to my loved ones via video calls. But I do miss the hugs and physical touch, I miss the ease of contact.
Then my son received a positive result for PCR test. Not a good development but we both were “happy” we could hang out together. Well, we didn’t actually hang out but the barrier of caution against possible infection was no longer necessary. The glee on his face is reflected in mine. The hugs we give each other are delightful indeed.
The state of delight need not persist all of time.
Yet if only we hold this intention to delight and stay present to what is, we will find delightful moments.
As the brain fog slowly lifts and I continue to recover, I will no doubt delight in the foods when I regain my normal sense of taste!
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