Advancing, retreating… ebb and flow. Filling, emptying… replenishing and relinquishing. Deconstructing and reconstructing.
This is how life is.
Sometimes we are aware of this dynamic process, but often we are just living our daily lives, filled with busy events and tasks. Particularly during this pandemic, things seem a little repetitive and predictable.
Sometimes we pay attention to the subtle shifts – noticing the evolving mindsets, attitudes, perceptions, behaviours, habits, and interactions in our lives. Sometimes we are oblivious to these movements. Unless we are entirely present to each moment, often the moment has become history by the time we become aware of them. Perhaps this is why there is great power in a reflective practice.
This week is such a week for me, taking time to look at the big picture. A space to confirm certain things in my life… a time to pay attention to the replenishing and relinquishing, to consider advancing or retreating. Considerations of a moment in life, only to do so again and again and…
There is no end to changing. I tend to avoid totalising language, yet this much is true. It is not possible to have become; we are always in the act of becoming.
No matter how secure we feel or believe our identity to be, every moment adds to this life, to our identity and we are again changed.
Moving through the many roles I have performed, and others’ perceptions of what they represent and how they ought to be performed, I am aware of moments of unquestioned desire to conform. Then there is the clear resistance or rejection of these norms. Often these contradictions are attended by an interrogation of “why”. Why do I unthinkingly agree, why do I instinctively reject, why am I emotionally triggered, why am I uncharacteristically ambivalent?
And with every conscious and active decision – to be or not to be, I am changed in my experience and perception of myself, but also my identity of how others perceive me.
So I am going to be discerning – to be more of this, less of that, and to be still. And returning often to this awareness of choice and decisions that make a life.
We do not arrive; we are arriving… always.
© 2020 FlorenceT Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.