In relationship, Living life, Quotes

Selfish loving – Ayn Rand

Love & sex

“Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a person’s sexual choice is the result and sum of their fundamental convictions.

Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life. Show me the person they sleep with and I will tell you their valuation of themselves. No matter what corruption they’re taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which they cannot perform for any motive but their own enjoyment – just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity! – an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exultation, only on the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces them to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and accept their real ego as their standard of value. They will always be attracted to the person who reflects their deepest vision of themselves, the person whose surrender permits them to experience – or to fake – a sense of self-esteem … Love is our response to our highest values – and can be nothing else.

― Ayn Rand,writer & philosopher (1905 – 1982)


Is sex a reflection of our convictions?

I believe one’s perception of what sex is or can be, is indeed a reflection of our deepest values and convictions.  One cannot approach sex in a manner which one does not believe in, at least not without it causing psychic injury.  Be authentic.

Is sex inevitably a selfish act?

Philosophically, yes.  if one doesn’t enjoy oneself then sex has not fulfilled (one of) its purpose.  Thus, the complete experience of sex necessitates one to do what one enjoys… which in essence is selfish. Even the proclamation of one’s enjoyment is in giving to the other leads to a self-fulfillment that is exquisitely selfish. 

And is love a response to our values?

A resounding yes, one can only love – express love and receive love – in the manner which accords with one’s values.  If one’s value is of hard work and effort, then more likely than not, her love is shown by doing and service – that is how love will be shown and received. And no, it does not mean one can’t change or be versatile as one becomes more self aware.  That’s my take anyway 🙂

So, do you agree?

– FlorenceT


© 2015 Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.


6 thoughts on “Selfish loving – Ayn Rand”

  1. “They will always be attracted to the person who reflects their deepest vision of themselves” – this concept has always fascinated me. I often wonder if it is true and in many ways I think yes . . . maybe 🙂

    The chemistry between people is such a mystery and I think that is part of the attraction, too. I recall when I fell in lust with my husband and I wanted to be so close to him that it felt as though I almost wanted to be him. That may sound odd! But the attraction was so strong.

    Now, was that love? mmm not so sure about that. It developed into love for sure, a deep love. Very thought provoking piece here! I am enjoying your thoughts on this topic . . . they are lighting up my own.

    And I agree with being authentic. 1000%

    Blessings, light, and peace,



    1. Thanks Allison.
      A corollary is, if we truly are aware of Self, and Love and accept ourselves…then there is no need for another to fulfill the vision…
      While I am fascinated by this, there is a part of me that is happy for things to unfold… Not knowing is a certain freedom… The tension of mind, body and Spirit is exhilarating, most times :-).

      Liked by 2 people

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