Looking out my window across the valley as the mist lifts, as had happened many mornings since we moved into this house, today it held new meaning. Christmas morn and the house is shrouded in silence. The kids are still abed. Their curiosity and excitement of waking at the crack of dawn, eager to get their presents and the loot in Santa’s sack have waned. They are older and less impressionable or perhaps more cynical…? 🙂

The quiet of the hour filled me with a certain nostalgia, a little sadness of those ‘lost’ times and a gradual peace with where we are in our lives. Interesting how we think of ‘lost’ times and miss them… yet it is merely a thought, a conditioning if you like, to be attached to the past and for some reason, whether it is true or otherwise to you now, to consider them better. Some work hard to ensure the past is brought to the present or to replicate the past in the present. And if it comes off less than ‘perfect’, we experience sorrow, anxiety or anger.

I miss the children in their tender ages especially at Christmas but only just as I am also glad for the minimal care and protection they now require. Being self-sufficient is one thing I desire for my children, for them to be capable and independent beings ready to head into the world. Two years ago I would not have had the luxury of being in bed watching the sun rise on Christmas day. Two years ago I was not here.

I do not know what the future will hold, but this I know – Christmases will be significantly different each year. We each will have to be open to experiencing unfamiliar ‘spirit of Christmas’; even now no longer embedded in the noise of young children or the gathering of extended families. We will have to let go of our attachment to the ‘past is better’ mindset though these memories will remain. To not cement our expectation of how the future will unfold and instead commit to living with gratitude in the now.

“The secret of health for both body and mind is not to mourn the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles but to live in the moment wisely and earnestly.”             Buddha

Ah, the house stirs. Time to begin Christmas day…

– FlorenceT

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