It has been an incredibly demanding 3 weeks – physically, mentally and psychologically; and it culminated in my speaking at a conference out of town. Well, that was yesterday. And now, sitting here alone in the hotel room I have the opportunity to let it all settle in, within me.
All is well.
These 3 words had kept me centred, grounded in the knowledge that I am enough, I have done enough and the rest will fall as it does. Everything is alright despite the hiccups along the way. Incidentally it is ‘the hiccups’ that makes life interesting. And sometimes, hiccups are not hiccups at all but mere perspective and perception.
As the financial institution mislaid the title to my former home, as the piano removalist kept changing their arrival times, as the last minute packing got out of hand, as I observed the builder’s less than satisfactory work in my new home, as the rain fell on the day of my relocation, as the 3 men hired to do the job decided to call it quits prior to completing their jobs, … as I see my time dwindling and feel my energy waned in the face of all these, there is nevertheless a calm that accompanied me, which compels me to act as I must yet remained unattached to the ‘desired’ outcomes. I knew, ‘whatever happens, happens’. It is not a testament of a lack of ability nor effort.
We do what we need, what we must to meet life’s exigencies – that is pragmatism. Yet, we must also be what our soul desires, to ‘allow’ life to happen. There is no formula, no roadmap. We feel our way through holding onto the belief, the knowledge that life will unfold as it must. There are things beyond our control, and for that, I breathe a sigh of relief. How freeing it is to relinquish the need to control everything.
Thus it is that within a few days of relocating, I got on a plane to attend a conference; putting on the final touches to the paper during the flight amidst drifting off to sleep as the fatigue of the past weeks hit me. My body said, ‘enough already, it is time for rest’. In these weeks, I had carried a few heavy things. To make space, I let go of some, as a temporary measure. Blogging was one of them.
We make choices in life, hopefully those which serve us best. Though will we ever know if a choice is the best for us..? We make decisions based on the resources we have and with the capacity we are able to muster at the time. To seek answers to ‘if-onlys’ and ‘what-ifs’ drain energy from our living in the present. That is not to say, I didn’t fret because I did. It’s not that I did not doubt, because I did. I am human after all.
So here I am, the day after my presentation, unwell but only just enough to stop me from gallivanting around this city as I had wanted to. So yes I hear and I will listen. Time to rest. Time to reflect on the change of the past few months, the demands and achievements of the past few weeks, the journey that has brought me here to the now. Time to re-orientate, to be open and receptive to a life unfolding…
All is well!
Here is a new poem from one of my favourite writer and poet, Oriah, which speaks volumes.
It’s not about doing anything
Not about earning or accomplishing
Not about trying harder or moving faster
It’s simply a whole-hearted willingness
To walk to the end of the dock
And let the rising sun
Fill me and ignite
The old forgotten hunger
And every time
Every. Single. Time.
When I let the longing guide me
When I turn my face just a little
The Beloved is there.
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