Love is undefinable. There may be words, strings of words for the wordsmiths among us, shapes and colours for the artists, to describe the expression or impression of love, yet its essence is mysterious and perhaps subjective.
One of my favourite quotes of all time, which I have shared here before:
“We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are.” ~Anais Nin
And so it is with love. How do we experience love so that we will recognize it as love, and not something else? For example, when a close one gives you solutions, do you experience it as love, care… or a slight? You know how it is… the ‘don’t you know I can solve my own problems?’ stance. Or when a dear one attempts to lighten the mood with humor, is he or she met with understanding and gratitude, or with annoyance for being belittled?
I know perhaps you may say, he or she doesn’t get me… doesn’t appreciate what I am going through. Perhaps they don’t. When does the judgment of fault or wrong ever improve a situation?
“You don’t need to justify your love, you don’t need to explain your love, you just need to practice your love. Practice creates the master.” ~Miguel Ruiz
So what I am about to say is probably my ’translation’ of love in practice. Do you agree?
- Love involves an openness to the possibility that the other is trying;
- Love involves a desire to impute positive intentions by your loved one;
- Love involves the acknowledgement that perhaps the other may have good intentions (even if he or she lacks the capacity to care and love you as you wish to experience it);
- Love involves a kindness in spirit to the other;
- Love involves a willingness to withhold judgment and seek clarification;
- Love involves seeing the worthiness in another;
- Love involves accepting when you are not met, in spirit or soul, by the other without blame;
- Love involves communication in silence, of looks and gestures without words;
- Love involves sense of safety, of being emotionally and psychically held;
- Love involves loving yourself enough to be capable of doing all that is before.
Herein lies the crux, the most difficult exercise of all in my view. (By the way, self-love is not synonymous with narcissism.)
Our capacity to love is infinite, and if we allow ourselves to draw from this abundant well then we can love many without taking away from another. And in here too, the love we experience adds to our loving yet it is not overflowing because there is no limit to the love we can receive.
(Without putting a damper on a post about love, when one is love then nothing negative, reducing or hateful can penetrate, yes?)
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ~Stephen Chbosky
Be wonderful, be love.
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