Living life, Spirit & Soul

Soulful sexuality in daily life


I wrote about sex as a soul experience some three weeks ago… and somehow it felt incomplete. Then it hit me… the thought which had remained was … how will this translate to daily life?

So here it is… soulful sexuality in everyday life… Let’s begin in the shadow 🙂

If we accept the premise that sex is a soul experience and that the soul has its shadow, then the “shadow” side of sex is inevitable, which is expressed in say, pornography and certain sexual practices, rigid moralism and repressive religiosity. Yes you heard right, rigid moralism and repressive religion. It is this – in the absolute dogmatic refusal to consider (much less accept) the possibility of different essences of sexuality, therein lies the fear and the denial of an enriching part of life, thus the shadow.

Our individual challenge has always been to respond with love, not fear, rather than attempting to control every aspect of life and bind it in rigidity and repression. Regardless of our values, our human calling is to be non-judgmental and to give this shadow proper place, time and attention.

Take for example, sexual dreams or fantasies. Do you judge yourselves for having them or for some of them? How does this matter?  In life’s journey, sexual dreams, fantasies and erotic intelligence are the soul’s expression of our search for meaning, direction and individuality. And at the end of the day, interestingly they are not always explicitly about sex per se.  For example, serial sexual relationships may point to the soul’s desire for connection.  Thomas Moore said, “[L]ove and sex need to withdraw…from both its physical present and its moral and intellectual interference” so we can allow the soul to come to the foreground. The soul requires a certain stillness to reflect and await the unfolding of its desire. Desire is desire, it in itself is faultless.

The soul’s desires can have many expressions.

  1. nude torsojpgSee beauty

The appreciation of beauty is one soul desire. The pleasure of viewing sculptures, the admiration of innovative architectural design, are some examples. There we fall into a place of desire and pleasure.

Here’s a radical suggestion made by Thomas Moore, in which he proposed a deepening of ourselves as sex objects in the Other’s sexual dreams or fantasies – to be open to the Other’s “intimate erotic gaze” and reflection, to be willing to be vulnerable. Contrary to popular or mainstream belief, Michael Bader, a psychoanalyst, proposed that “we momentarily become selfish” – selfish as in without guilt for one’s own pleasure and without a sense of responsibility for the Other – this in essence requires the Other to be an object of sexual desire.

I agree on one condition: that the relationship between One and the Other is one borne of trust and respect.

Its shadow may be the coveting of material objects, the obsessive objectification and possession for fear of loss. Yet in this place, there is no judgment, only query.

  • Why the intense desire to possess?
  • What is its meaning?
  • How does it satisfy our life?
  1. harvest-applesExperience nature

Nature is another such ‘object’ of desire. To immerse ourselves in nature brings forth a certain fantasy and reverie.  Does that not revitalize and energize? To be able to see the resilience of life; to feel its elemental power, its alluring gentleness and peace; and to hear its hypnotic calls – I for one can appreciate the attraction and most decidedly sensuous encounter.

Its shadow – destruction of the rainforest, the rejection of creativity perhaps as a means to control these desires out of fear.  Again we ask to be aware,

  • Why the intense desire to control?
  • What is its meaning?
  • How does it satisfy our lives?
  1. sexy-foodsSavour

What of the seduction of food? The epicurean life is a highly sensuous one, as any ‘foodie’ will attest. I for one love food, from its taste to its texture and the aesthetic look and touch. Every aspect appeals to my senses. Its shadow side – gluttony, of course.

So as we selfishly indulge our desires, we may reflect,

  • Why the intense desire to ‘gorge’ oneself?
  • What is its meaning?
  • How does it satisfy our lives?

We need to attend to and be sympathetic to the natural rhythm of the soul. We need to take our desires seriously as they signal the presence or movement of our passions, our soul’s work. It is ever evolving.  It brings sensuousness back into a society that is sex-act obsessed.  Let us restore sex to the imaginal realm where fantasy, reverie and memory dwell.

A healthy perception or understanding of sex as an expression of love and of soul’s desires, to see sexuality within our day-to-day life, in our interpersonal relationships, in our relationship with material things and our environment is necessary for a vital and authentic life.

Soul Expression Tryptich by Louis Parsons
Soul Expression Triptych by Louis Parsons

If we listen and pay attention, we will identify from the varied expressions our soul desires, which will bring us deeper into our human-ness.

All desire is energy.
All feeling is energy.
All thought is energy.
All living is energy.
– Krishnamurti


– FlorenceT


Bader, MJ (2002) “Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies”
Buber, M (1923) “I and Thou”
Moore, T (1998) “Care of the Soul: How to Add Depth and Meaning to Your Everyday Life”
Moore, T (1999) “The Soul of Sex: Cultivating Life as an Act of Love”


© 2014 Copyright reserved. The author asserts her moral and legal rights over this work.


2 thoughts on “Soulful sexuality in daily life”

  1. Dear Florence,

    I am so very glad you followed up your original post – which was wonderful – with this one. This takes the subject of beautiful, soulful sexuality to a deeper level still. In one word, your post is beautiful!

    I absolutely adore your use of the concept of “erotic intelligence.” This rings so true and your words are perfectly provocative and respectful of the precious power and draw of sexual desire in so many, many aspects of it in daily life.

    Thank you again for this article, I love it very much. 🙂

    Blessings and light, always,



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