Ever been told that true friends tell each other everything? That as a wife, husband or partner you should be totally honest with your significant other? That there should be no secret in a ‘real’ relationship?
Growing up, I had found it frustrating not having something that is solely and wholly mine. Selfish? Perhaps. Now it is unimaginable not to have that part of me which I alone have access – that which is not open to praise or criticism, to be glorified or ridiculed, to the possibility of its essence changing by virtue of being in contact with another – where I alone am responsible for this ‘secret’ and its gifts. Don’t you have a little something – thoughts or deeds – that you hold very close to your heart, unknown to anyone?
You may disagree but for me, the romanticism of being totally available – body, mind and soul – to another is unnerving. Ask yourself this – what is the essence of this expectation by others of you to have no secret? Is it their need? If so, must you inherit it?
According to Jungian analyst Aniela Jaffe, the Shadow is the ‘‘sum of all personal and collective psychic elements which, because of their incompatibility with the chosen conscious attitude, are denied expression in life”. Are you comfortable connecting with your Shadow? For me, it is not a choice – I hold my Shadow, explore and play with it with care, unfettered by another’s gaze.
Come, celebrate your Shadow!
“All human beings have three lives: public, private, and secret.” Gabriel García Márquez
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